So, today wasn’t much different than yesterday in that Nove didn’t want to go back to school. But, I was able to fight her, and it IS a fight.
I had to physically drag her out of her bed. (no amount of bribery, or threats got her out of bed. She tucked arms and legs under her body so I couldn’t get a hand hold) Then when she scrambled into mine, I had to drag her off it too. The problem is that she’s gotten pretty big and my arm and shoulder are really screwed up. So, I dropped her close to the edge of my bed and she fell to the floor. (now don’t cringe, it’s carpeted and my bed is low to the ground) However, she landed funny, half on her face and kinda flipped over.
This made her angry and it probably hurt, so she lashed out at me, then at her gramma when she tried to help.
Now, before you get all judgmental – I asked her nicely, I said “lets go watch tv for a while” ” do you want some breakfast?” and a lot of other niceties, but to no avail. Then I had to start with threats ” those books you chose last night? I can’t get them for you if you don’t get up and go to school without a fight. ” “That was our agreement!” Nothing made a difference.
Can you understand why I don’t fight everyday? I really just want to cry, hide in bed and cry. If this is autism (including anxiety, ocd, oppositional defiance) then I don’t want it. (not that anyone does)
So, after feeling guilty for not pushing her into school yesterday, or last week before the holiday break, today I feel even worse for having to force her physically to school. I know the difference, my older daughter isn’t like this, never was like this.
I’m going to go hide under the covers and give in to the hole in my chest right now. The dark, dark hole.
This will be a chronical of my child’s issues with school – Is it hard work, social discomfort, or something else?
Hang on sweetie, I cannot tell you that I understand your struggles, however I do understand depression please hold on. Give yourself half-hour then get up and look forward to a better tomorrow.
I’m spreading my arms and giving you a big big big HUG, little honey. That is all I have to offer because I have never lived through this. I, too, would cozy in the bed for awhile for escape. Stay strong. xoxo
thanks Trudy, not all days are this rough, but many feel this way.
Thank you Kattia, depression is something I’m familiar with also. I do try to keep an eye on it with myself and some days are much easier than others.