Are they working? The anti-anxiety meds I don’t know exactly.
I’ve seen a different child in the mornings this week, but (it’s a BIG but) she goes through stages anyway. So, maybe she’s really bi-polar and just on the upside of the roller coaster?
Or, maybe the medicine is working…….
Your guess is as good as mine.
I took Nove to the doctor yesterday after months of discussion and worry. We talked to the doctor about having her start on anti-anxiety meds. She’s only 8 but has strong anxiety about everything. I assume it is part of her autism. There may be some ADD also, but we have to start with one thing here.
Anyway, the medicine is an anti-psychotic (sounds lovely, huh) and while there is risk with any medicine given, if it helps her not worry about everything (I’m not exaggerating) , then it’s okay.
Of course I’m worried about it.
It took me a very long time to do this and I hate pills or drugs, so it wasn’t done lightly. We talked with our therapist who has a son with autism and now that I think back, it might have been him who brought up the idea last year.
For anyone who wants to tell me what to do, I say, YOU come live my life and see how well you deal with it. No, no, I’m kidding. That would probably just incite even more anxiety for Nove since she doesn’t know you.
I have some kind of anxiety myself. What am I doing to my children? They both are on drugs! But, I have to remind myself that it isn’t just me dealing with her behaviors, or lack of behavior. The school sees it, and her dad sees it on weekends and even my boyfriend’s sister who took Nove to the zoo saw it. Apparently Nove couldn’t go through a cave on her own, but they couldn’t turn back because there were too many people behind them.
So, we’ll try this for a while. Keeping close watch over her for added symptoms or bad behaviors exagerated.
Keep your fingers crossed for me, will you?
BusyBodyBook Wall Calendar
I asked to test and write a review on this product for a couple of reasons. Nove has trouble understanding what day comes next, and weeks or months are even more troublesome for her.
My hope was that this type of system which not only allows for future viewing like a typical calendar does- it also shows every family member’s schedule, would help her to “get” time lines.
I’m not sure how much you can actually see in my photo, but that is 2 weeks worth of planner.
My mom wrote out the schedules for everyone and then we showed Nove. Each page, has one week’s worth of days. On the top page, my Nove crossed off the days she had gotten through. She also crossed out the days her sister, her gramma and I had gotten through.
It became a bed time activity and is (I think) helping her not be so anxious about what comes next.
There are 7 rows for up to 7 people and the days of the week move down from the left side of the page. So, when we wrote out our schedules, My youngest, my oldest, my, and my mom’s days are listed from left to right.
The girls’ days are marked with school, after school activities, groups and even what type of school day it is. (ie: art, music, gym). My days are marked with work and doctor appts. or case management meetings.
This way, we see what each of us has and how to schedule each thing.
Here’s some stats on the wall calendar:
BBB Weekly Grid Pad
This desk set is a really versatile planner. I made one just for Nove, but she didn’t take to it like she did to the big one where she can see every one’s schedule all at once.
So, I made one for my business scheduling. In addition to trying to write for this blog, I also write for several other places and run a makeup business. Sometimes I lose track of what I’m doing and this is helping!
You can see more review info at AlexShares.
I was sent these products in exchange for testing and reporting on my experience with them. I am in no other way associated with the products or company and my opinions of the products are only based on my personal experience.
last night was Nove’s 2nd grade Christmas concert. This is the 3rd year she’s performed with her class on stage with the lights, the audience, the noise. She’s typically done okay in this situation, meaning no melt downs or over anxiety.
On the way in, she was happy to be there, if a little worried that we were late. We were not late, and after 3 seconds of panic when she thought she heard her class mates on stage, she walked into the band room and saw them all. Instant calm. She sat where her teacher said to sit. Then another teacher gathered her and some classmates for a photo opp.
Not that they wanted their pictures taken.
So, I told her I loved her, and have a good time. Then I went to sit with my older daughter and my mom in the auditorium.
We thought we’d sit on the front row so Nove could see us, but we couldn’t see past the row of flowers! So, we moved up, and then across the way, and then up one more time. However, it was perfect because when the kids came out, we were directly across from Nove who saw us and waved.
That’s her inside the circle.
Here’s the sad part. last year at her concert, she was engaged in the process. She sang, she did the actions, and she was “on”. But, like her first year on stage, this year no one was home. Actually, she was visiting somewhere else……
For the almost 20 minutes on stage, she was sliding her butt and back along the railing and looking to the left. I found out her crush was on the left side of the stage and she kept looking to see what he was doing. I can’t blame her, he has great hair! She’s the one in purple, top row, looking to the left in most of the pictures below.
When she wasn’t looking at him, she was looking up at the ceiling or at nothing at all. She barely sang, and barely did any of the actions.
And this, my friends, is what it’s like living with her too. We never know how much she’ll be involved, how engaged, or how much “in her head” she’ll be.
I still had to pretty much drag Nove out of bed, but at least it wasn’t a fight. She was being very clingy so she had to hug me as I tried to walk us into the living room.
Then, she wanted help (no, she wanted me to do it all!) with getting dressed. But, she allowed me to dress her and wanted to cuddle before we had to leave. She even let me out of her sight for a while so I could get dressed and go warm up the car.
When she got off the bus she was being her typical not – so – verbal 2nd grade self though. She refused verbally and physically to let me zip her coat andlet me tell you, it was 2 degrees from freezing. The kind of cold where it’s nearly 10 degrees colder in the shade and in the wind. But she did not even notice. This is typical for her also.
However, I got myself a nice new short coat today and I was toasty except where my nose stuck out. For the record, I haven’t had a new warm coat in years. The one I’ve been wearing is about 2 sizes too big and is a heavy cotton canvas barn style coat. Because it is big, the cold rushes in around the hands and neck so it never kept me very warm, despite being a really nice jacket.
Anyway, back to the story……….
Wednesdays, she has a drum group after school through her case management system. Her driver came a little late and Nove wasn’t sure she wanted to go, but Zeta and I convinced her. Again, I had to put her shoes on. (this girl KNOWS how and CAN dress herself)
She had a good time, got along with the other boys in the van and did well at group according to Zeta, upon her arrival home. She even told me that her class went to the high school today to practice for their Christmas concert which is tomorrow night.
But, she wouldn’t tell me anything about anything directly after school. That’s so typical of her.
So, today wasn’t much different than yesterday in that Nove didn’t want to go back to school. But, I was able to fight her, and it IS a fight.
I had to physically drag her out of her bed. (no amount of bribery, or threats got her out of bed. She tucked arms and legs under her body so I couldn’t get a hand hold) Then when she scrambled into mine, I had to drag her off it too. The problem is that she’s gotten pretty big and my arm and shoulder are really screwed up. So, I dropped her close to the edge of my bed and she fell to the floor. (now don’t cringe, it’s carpeted and my bed is low to the ground) However, she landed funny, half on her face and kinda flipped over.
This made her angry and it probably hurt, so she lashed out at me, then at her gramma when she tried to help.
Now, before you get all judgmental – I asked her nicely, I said “lets go watch tv for a while” ” do you want some breakfast?” and a lot of other niceties, but to no avail. Then I had to start with threats ” those books you chose last night? I can’t get them for you if you don’t get up and go to school without a fight. ” “That was our agreement!” Nothing made a difference.
Can you understand why I don’t fight everyday? I really just want to cry, hide in bed and cry. If this is autism (including anxiety, ocd, oppositional defiance) then I don’t want it. (not that anyone does)
So, after feeling guilty for not pushing her into school yesterday, or last week before the holiday break, today I feel even worse for having to force her physically to school. I know the difference, my older daughter isn’t like this, never was like this.
I’m going to go hide under the covers and give in to the hole in my chest right now. The dark, dark hole.
This will be a chronical of my child’s issues with school – Is it hard work, social discomfort, or something else?
Nove doesn’t want to go to school today. She started last night at bed time working herself up over not wanting to go to school today.
She had a break from school, 5 days including the one last week that she chose not to go. Her birthday was Friday and she turned 8 years old. She won’t or can’t state what it is exactly about school that she doesn’t want to face.
It still could be that she doesn’t feel well, but she went through a period of time where getting up and going to school was not hard or traumatic.
This will be a chronical of my child’s issues with school – Is it hard work, social discomfort, or something else?
Nove doesn’t want to go to school today. She started last night at bed time working herself up over not wanting to go to school today.
I’m not sure what the change is. We thought it might be that she’s getting ill, or maybe the holiday coming up.
Either way, she’s not going today. It is the day before Thanksgiving break.
This will be a chronical of my child’s issues with school – Is it hard work, social discomfort, or something else?
My knowledge doesn’t come from the book or the class, it comes from first hand experience. My mother grew up with nearly every one of the 5 symptoms in her family yet she didn’t know any better and neither did I as I grew up under her emotional discontects.
My granparents are both gone now and what I know of them outside of a few personal experiences at holidays or a weeklong summer vacation is only through the eyes of my mother. She moved away from home when she could, in part, to escape, but it didn’t work. The memories and emotional baggage went with her even though her family wasn’t there continue adding to the already raw wounds.
Before I go on, let me say this. Her family was doing the best they knew how. My grandparents both came from difficult settings and in a time when it was common to not share feelings, and emotional issues with each other, let alone the community. They weren’t cold, unloving people and I do remember them with fondness.
However, there was physical abuse, sexual abuse, and negative speaking in the household. One of mom’s brothers was born with many medical issues – cerebral palsey, siesures, and several other things. He did not live to adulthood and I don’t remember anyone other than my mom and my oldest aunt talking about him. So, along with the abuse, mom and her siblings were raised in a house were children were seen and not heard. Mom’s sexual abuse was swept under a rug and not dealt with emotionally. I’m sure her brother was beaten over it too, which didn’t do anything to help.
When my mother left the house as a young adult, she married my father, who was not so emotionally well rounded either and he is another story entirely. He did not know how to listen to her any better than her family had, but he told he loved her and that was probably more than she heard at home. However, you need to remember here that she had no basis for good communication and she already believed that she didn’t matter much so my dad didn’t have much to learn with or from in her behaviors.
Talk about a no-win situation!
For 25 years they did their best. Trying to communicate, not hearing each other, and not listening to each other or to themselves.
My mom’s belief that she did not matter was deeply rooted. How she raised me, I don’t know. As an adult I never once felt like I did not matter – at least from her. I always felt love, connection and praise from her. Despite her often debilitating depression, migrains and other emotional disconects, she taught me to believe in myself and that she believed in me.
It was not until my daughters were born that she began to believe in herself too. Maybe that isn’t the right emotion exactly, but when my older daughter began to show signs of ADD, mom was the one who did research on the disorder and she began to recognize the traits in herself. She also began to understand there were reasons for her behaviors, that were not dependent on her will. She finally found a reason that her family was often frustrated with her lack of follow through, or innatention.
She’s not fixed, in fact, she hates that term – fixed. But, she’s come a long way. Last week, we had a yelling match and I think she finally heard me. Remeber, she only hears what she thinks others are saying? Her brain is trained to only hear the negative, that she doesn’t count, that she’s not worth love and positive attention.
Well, thank goodness, I’m stubborn. The fight was over my suggestion about a different treatment for her headaches which have been worse for months now. She thought I was trying to “fix” her, while I was saying how much I love her and value her and want her to feel better for the sake of feeling better, not just because she is more enjoyable to be around. She, along with every single person, deserves to feel the best they can!
It took yelling and tears before she understood what I was saying, and I’ll have to keep telling her.
I’m working to reverse all the mental, emotional and physical abuse she’s taken and relived for her 58 years.
Don’t do this to your children and grandchildren! please.
I actually need to thank my mother though, not for instilling in me self confidence, but for being an example of what I need to teach my own children – both with impulse and emotional control issues. Hoepfully, my learning experience with mom will help me with them.
I got to a place where all I could see was darkness. Lack of consistency from my ex husband in his schedule threw me off and, consequently, threw off my girls too.
I lost my grand father a few months back and it dredged up too many memories, both good and bad, that really did me in emotionally. When I realised that I could rarely find the good in situations, and that my misery was blocking out my children, I had to step away from focusing on disability and “special needs” all the time.
If you’ve read any of my previous posts, you’ll know that it isn’t just one of my kids with issues. It is both of my daughters, and my mother, all of whom, I live with. It became less of a home, and more of a prison. Coming home meant having to take over for mom who probably didn’t feel well and may have had her own meltdown, or was in the process of one as I walked in the door. Taking over, means trying to reason with or calm down my youngest with autism and console or reason with my oldest who gets angry when faced with anger thanks to her own ADHD.
I resented everyone of them. I still do a little. It often feels like I’m the only adult in the household and often, that’s not far from the truth.
So, I took some time off from writing and publishing the radio show at special needs kids talk radio. I may be back on a more regular basis, but don’t count on it with the holidays coming and school schedules changing. Just wish me luck and keep me in your thoughts.
Before I go for today, I wanted to point out that I’ve changed blogging platforms. Mostly because I needed the option to be able to schedule posts. It may well help in getting more writing done.
I’ve also signed up through several places to offer reviews and write sponsored posts, but don’t worry, I’ll do my best to make sure they still fit within the theme of this blog and I promise I won’t tell you I like something if I really don’t. Ever.
